Hey Moms – It’s time to redefine ourselves. Quite frankly, terms like ‘Stay at home mothers’ suck. Phrases like ‘working moms’ suck too! Let’s just proudly proclaim ourselves as women and mommies and walk with our head held high. It does not matter whether we are working outside our homes for a living or have decided to take care of our growing children. Both scenarios are equally demanding and highly fulfilling.
Which brings us to our priority:
Close your eyes for a brief period. Just do it. It will reorient your thinking and put things in perspective. Switch off all those gadgets. Find a quiet place and a quiet time to do this. You will require no more than 10 minutes at the most to do this.
Erase all your:
- Academic and professional qualifications from your mind.
- Childhood memories from your heart.
- Positive and negative relationships from your memory.
- Errors and achievements from your ego.
- Guilt for all the compromises and mistakes that you feel you have made from your conscience.
Now question your identity. Who are you? What is your purpose in this life? Where do you feel you are right now? The focus is entirely on I, ME and MINE!
You are a:
- Woman of courage who has come a long way in life.
- Full of love and this love gives you the courage to put your dreams and aspirations on the back burner for a long time. That does not mean you cannot achieve them. It just means you have chosen to take a lovely long fulfilling detour before you finally fulfill your dreams.
- A lovely human being who touched several lives along the way. This gives you immense satisfaction and a great sense of peace.
All of this applies to both working moms and full-time moms.
The bottom line is we need to:
- Respect ourselves first.
- Respect ALL the women for the choices that they chose to make.
- Understand and appreciate that all of us struggled to get our priorities right.
- Acknowledge that these were extremely difficult decisions to make for ANY woman.
- Applaud and appreciate the choices instead of condemning or ridiculing them.
Redefine your life!
Technology has opened up several avenues of growth for all of us. Moms who are working find mental stimulation through their careers. They park all their worries, anxiety, and guilt when they are working. When they are completely focussed on the work that they do, they can perceive things from the right perspective.
Moms who have opted to be full-time mommies can do so too. Use all those skills to set up an enterprise of your own. Pursue an online course and develop new skills at your convenience and learn at a pace that you are comfortable with. Set up an activity center in your living room for a couple of hours in a day. Your child too gets to interact with other children of his/her age group and all of them (including you ☺ ) have great fun. Tutor students and impart your knowledge and skills when your kids are at school. Seriously consider work from home and part-time options. Go in for freelance work and work on projects that are convenient for you.
Then we need to salute the spirit of those silent strong women who redefined their lives when they were especially blessed by differently able children. There are moms out there who are doubly blessed with twins☺. And then there are those moms who need to play a dual role at home. They need to mother not only their children but also play the role of a mother to their in-laws and parents (in case they are living with her family!) Such moms understand how dependent all the family members are on her for physical, moral, mental and emotional support.
While such moms dig into their innermost reserves of love to overcome all the challenges that they face daily, they also shed silent copious tears in the closed confines of their rooms. They sacrifice all their dreams and aspirations for the greater good of the family.
Such moms learn to create their happiness and determinedly find ways and means of doing so. They know that they need to nurture their sense of identity first. They are courageous enough to pave their path on their terms. Perhaps such moms find great joy in socializing with like-minded people. Perhaps yoga creates a sense of balance and harmony in her life. Perhaps reading or listening to chants or gardening fills her with peace. And it is at such times that she realizes that unless she nurtures herself with love, she cannot go about spreading love and joy amongst her family members. Such women redefine the meaning of life and happiness itself with a beatific smile on their radiant faces.
Every situation is unique. So all moms simply need to do their thinking here. The choice is entirely ours of course. If we choose to park ourselves in front of our TV sets and our Facebook pages, we will have only ourselves to blame. Do so by all means if this is what you want. The only message here is we need to be happy with all our choices and decisions on a day to day basis.
Yes, parenting is an extremely demanding role, at least till the child goes to school for a few hours. But it is up to us women to create those pockets of time for ourselves even during such phases! ☺ !
Chill! Cooldown! It’s Okay!!
There will be days when everything goes haywire. Kids fall sick, the house is a total mess, the refrigerator is empty and the kids are hungry! You have to report for work. There is an emotional meltdown at home. There is a medical crisis at home. No one is at home to help you out. Your spouse is away for a couple of days for some mandatory training sessions. You are at your wit’s end because your kid is crying nonstop or another family member has fallen sick and you don’t know what is wrong. You are confused and feel like breaking down. You are a bundle of nerves. You feel you are the lousiest mom in the entire universe! ☺ ! You have a list going down your mind and heart which says: I should have done this and I should have done that. That list seems to be endless to you. You are worried sick for your child or the sick family member.
Get up. Now. Go to the kitchen. Pick up a glass. Fill it with water. Sip on it slowly. Drink it steadily. Take a deep breath. Take several deep breaths. Close your eyes and hug yourself tightly. Give yourself a few seconds to calm down completely. Think coolly and calmly. You will know what to do. Trust your intuition. Call up your mom if you feel she can guide you. Take the kid or the family member to the doctor if you feel that is the most important thing to do right now. Knock on your neighbor’s door and ask that the aunt or uncle living next door to help you out. Focus on finding the most practical solution that strikes you immediately.
Once the problem has been overcome, DON’T goes about over-analyzing it and start feeling guilty about your stance and actions. Your alacrity and presence of mind were crucial at that time. You did your best.
Now take a chill pill. Cooldown and relax. Focus on the lovely smile that your kids☺ or your family member are giving you and ask all those people who are mocking and ridiculing you for your decision(s) to take a walk. Better still – ask them to go for a hike! ☺
You are a great mom. Believe that. I don’t care whether you are working at home or in an office. We believe that all women are great and moms are the best (I just created that word – especially for all of us ☺ ) of the lot. All the best to you!